Friday, August 17, 2012


He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be shaken.
 On God my salvation and my glory rest;
The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.
Trust in Him at all times, O people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us. 
- Psalm 62:6-8

Strange as it may seem, I find myself envying my dog from time to time. All in all, I prefer my life over his, but there is something about the way he spends his days that I've found I long for. And it's the way he rests. 

Anyone who has a pet knows what I mean, or maybe you're thinking about this for the first time, either way it's not a unique phenomenon. Dogs and cats spend a lot of their day sleeping, and in the midst of all kinds of circumstances. In my house, a screaming toddler, music, a frantic mother, clanging dirty dishes and running tap water do not keep him from his rest. And I'm talking about rest, not just sleep. 

In a non-intellectualized way, I think of sleep as a necessity and rest as an action. You can burn yourself out and eventually sleep really without choice because inevitably your body will shut down by design to protect you. You NEED sleep. But rest is something that comes by discipline for us humans, at least. It is a submission in a way, a voluntary giving up of the constant to-do's and a giving in to a protective state that is very much needed but equally skirted away from. Webster isn't defining these two words and I am taking some liberty with the way I am defining them here so bear that in mind. 

Looking at the scripture above, I am struck at the language used by the psalmist. "On God my salvation and glory rest, the rock of my strength, my refuge is in God... God is a refuge for us". Do you feel pressure to be still yet? If not, read it again. Rest, rock, refuge (used twice) - what do these words have in common? Stillness, peace, a laying down, a giving up of action for something that feels written into our very innermost being - to be still before God and to give in to Him.

I confess right now that resting is so very hard for me. I'm painfully aware of my sin and my position of need for Christ's redemption. And yet I still feel the need to grovel in my sin. To be made low and stay low, looking away from Him in shame. This is an ongoing struggle in my life I've come to accept is part of my sanctification. Depression has been, is and probably always will be woven throughout my story here on earth. And all of it, though sovereignly allowed to touch me by His merciful, just and loving hand, comes from a heart that is wild and restless. I long to submit myself fully to Him, to lay down my groveling, my dark despondency over my lack of worthiness, my pride and insatiable desire for more of me, more of this broken world but I struggle to let it all go. A friend reminded me to embrace being in that place, the place of feeling crushed and made low because God is drawing me in through it. I so very clearly see my need for Him in the midst of this restlessness and my heart longs more for the rest he provides, he promises. And she was right. God surely speaks to us in the most pronounced way as we walk through the dark restless parts of this life. He reminds of us His rest and we are brought low to give in to that rest, to lay it all down and just give in to Him. Like a wife to her husband, we must give ourselves as Christ's bride to our perfect lover. 

I still sit here, typing out words with shaky hands that flow from a body and soul that are anxious from lack of true rest. Just writing out the Truth or reading it doesn't take away the pain of being a broken human being. But He can and He does. And as an act of painfully submitting the sins I love, this wild heart that bucks to be freed right back into slavery, I trust that His love is the refuge I need. It's not my fretting or my groveling or certainly my bucking that saved me, but His perfect grace of which I am undeserving. In that position, where else can I go? To see His love is to run into it, not looking back and to give yourself entirely over to the One who calls you to be still in Him. 


Post a Comment


Blog Template by - Header Frame by Pixels and Ice Cream
Sponsored by Free Web Space