Saturday, April 16, 2011

Waiting, Waiting and Waiting

I have done a poor job of keeping this blog up throughout my pregnancy. I had every intention of updating regularly but for one reason or another, I just didn't make the time. And now here I am with 4 days left until my due date. I guess this is as good a time as ever to make a post, right?

Today I am 39 weeks and 3 days pregnant and though that means there are 4 days left until I hit the benchmark 40 week due date, those 4 days seem like a lifetime away. I'm playing the waiting game and I have been for almost 3 weeks now. Since 37 weeks, I have been 2 cm dilated and have really felt my body preparing for labor - braxton hicks contractions (some accompanied by cramping), sore joints, swelling (i actually miss my feet), and pelvic pressure among other pains that are more awkward to mention. So I'm ready for this! I'm ready for my feet to return to me, my digestive system to work again, to be able to sleep without sore ribs and hips (note: i didn't say i was looking forward to "sleep" - i realize i won't be getting much of it!), to bend over without totally losing my breath and balance, to get off the couch without needing the assistance of a forklift... but mostly, to meet my daughter.

I've been carrying this sweet child for 9 months in my womb. To think that over those months she started out as a spot on my ovary, then a tiny heartbeat, then a tiny baby with arms and legs and now she is a fully grown newborn with a personality of her own and lungs that are ready to release their first cry and take their first breath as she enters the world is truly amazing. I imagine that moment throughout the day, when she will take her first breath and cry her first cry and I'll hear her for the very first time. I simply cannot wait. I've heard over and over again that this is the most joyous moment in your life and I know that it will be even though I haven't experienced it yet. I can feel her now, moving around in what little room she has left inside my womb, but I can't see her, touch her or hear her. I am so thankful that day is coming soon when I will be able to!

So for now I will continue to wait, for what other option do I have? It does seem brutally long and painful as I wait for her to be in my arms, but I'm reminded that this is the way God created the event to be and I must trust in His unfailing love and perfect plan. No doubt He is teaching me patience and humility and I am a stubborn pupil, fighting back hard with my own will. But the closer I get, the more I must rely on Him for strength, comfort and patience.

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; 
   I have summoned you by name; you are mine. 
 When you pass through the waters, 
   I will be with you; 
 and when you pass through the rivers, 
   they will not sweep over you. 
When you walk through the fire, 
   you will not be burned; 
   the flames will not set you ablaze. 
 For I am the LORD your God, 
   the Holy One of Israel, your Savior"
Isaiah 43:1-3

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