Friday, September 17, 2010

Turning 24: the Year of Mommyhood

As it goes, my birthday is tomorrow. I will be 24 years old. It's sort of hard to believe I'm so young yet so old at the same time. High school doesn't seem like a totally distant memory yet I can't even imagine reliving those days over again. I was a different person altogether and I don't think I'm alone in that.

We change a lot after high school, even though we think we won't. Then college comes along and we really think we're grown up once that diploma is in our hands. Truth is, we're always works in progress. I know, it's cliched and I say it but do I really think that and yes I really do. I'm human and thus prideful so most days I live like I've mostly got it all together, but I know I'm wrong. All I have to do is look back at my life over the past few years. I had a bit of a different circumstance from many since Randall and I got married before our last year of college. It was a challenge for sure - I balanced work with school before we got married but adding on a marriage - whew! Time constraints made it hard for us to spend needed time together. We enjoyed our first year, but it was certainly the hardest yet. This doesn't mean the second was a breeze. We faced new and different challenges - with college over, what would we do for work? move or stay here? when will we start trying to have children - woah am i even ready for kids?! - but we got through those big questions with some pain and some joy along the way. To top it all off, we entered year three of our marriage with Randall having a new job that he loves that pays a salary (a much anticipated event), purchased our first home and began a kitchen remodel, I began working at a job that wasn't as demanding of my time and energy that I enjoyed, got a puppy (bigger thing to take on than it seems unless you've done it!), became part of an amazing church plant in downtown Montgomery, and last but not at all least - we found out that we're having our first child. Just looking at this list makes me slightly overwhelmed! The point in me going through all of this is that looking back, at each point in the past few years God provided us what we needed in order to deal with what we were facing. Had any of the events that happened over the past few months happened 2 years ago, I really believe it would have been much much harder. But God is good, he gives us what we can handle and more importantly, what he wants us to handle. It's really a sweet and humbling realization. I don't have it all together - not a bit! But He does - and I can rest in that.

Year 24 isn't just another year. It will be unique - full of new trials and triumphs and full of growth. It is particularly exciting because this year is the real beginning of a new journey God has put me on - the journey to being a mom. And in a little over 6 months, I'll be holding a new person in my arms, a person God himself knit together in my womb. Then the real journey begins - for me and for that precious child. Because one day that child will be turning 1, 2, 3... then before I know it he or she will be turning 24 just like I will tomorrow. And when that day comes, I can still rest in knowing that God will provide the means to handle whatever comes into his or her life, just as He has, is, and will for me.

Psalm 139: 1-14
O Lord, you have searched me
       and you know me.

  You know when I sit and when I rise;
       you perceive my thoughts from afar.

  You discern my going out and my lying down;
       you are familiar with all my ways.

  Before a word is on my tongue
       you know it completely, O LORD.

  You hem me in—behind and before;
       you have laid your hand upon me.

  Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
       too lofty for me to attain.

  Where can I go from your Spirit?
       Where can I flee from your presence?

  If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
       if I make my bed in the depths, 
 you are there.
  If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
       if I settle on the far side of the sea,

  even there your hand will guide me,
       your right hand will hold me fast.

  If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
       and the light become night around me,"

  even the darkness will not be dark to you;
       the night will shine like the day,
       for darkness is as light to you.

  For you created my inmost being;
       you knit me together in my mother's womb.

  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
       your works are wonderful,
       I know that full well.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

what a displeasure to meet you, "morning" sickness

I think it's safe to say that this week has seen a crazy amount of changes. "Morning" sickness and I have been officially acquainted as of Saturday and we've been seeing a lot of each other. Too much really. Who in the world coined it "morning" sickness? Mine is really all-day sickness, which is not at all what "morning" sickness implies. I hate that term so much. It's 2010. Statistics show that I am definitely not in the minority experiences nausea all day long instead of just in the morning so let's just stop calling it that.  I really needed to get that off of my chest!

::Steps off soapbox::

My last entry was all about responsibility. I made the decision to work through September and then cut my hours back and continue to work through Christmas. Nausea definitely changed that plan. I guess it was wishful thinking that made me think that the manageable queasiness and fatigue I was experiencing last week was the extent of my "morning" sickness (cringes at the term). But who really knows what to expect? I figured out this week that nausea brings aversions to food - really all food - including baked goods. Yes, that's right, my stomach can't stomach cupcakes. There's no way I was going to try to bake cupcakes everyday with the way I've been feeling. Needless to say, I quit working for the duration of my 1st trimester. Thankfully, God has provided me with a Christian employer who was very understanding about my short notice resignation and is even willing to allow me to come back to work a couple of days per week if and when I start feeling better. So I now begin the journey of being at home and trying my best to figure out ways to feel better and be productive during this all-day sickness (there, I called it by it's formal new name!).

I've already decided this will not be my favorite part of the pregnancy, but I don't want to be totally miserable throughout it either. There are a few upsides to being sick (hard to believe, but just hear me out...). First and foremost, it means the baby is healthy and growing. A wise mom told me recently that the activity going on in my body to grow the baby is equivalent to running a marathon. No wonder I'm so tired! Being sick is also teaching me to be extra conscious about what I put in my body - making sure I'm eating despite the nausea and trying to eat things that aren't totally empty calories. I guess you could say I'm becoming more in tuned to my body to figure out what it needs in order to grow this sweet baby. On the opposite note, it does give me the clearance to eat whatever I can keep down, which is sometimes things that I wouldn't normally eat because they aren't the most nutritious. This really hasn't been too much of a perk to me yet because even when I have cravings, I don't enjoy the food I'm eating. I'm just forcing myself to eat so I don't get sicker. Well, maybe that perk will come later. A pregnant girl can dream, right?

So this new all-day sickness is sticking around for awhile so I better find ways to cope. I've been trying the classic saltine crackers, which I am already sick of, and ginger ale after meals. It does provide some relief but it's nominal most of the time. I was craving Subway sandwiches and eating at least a 6 inch once a day this week but I don't want those anymore after I threw one up today! I managed to cook a bland chicken tetrazzini with the help of my sweet husband a few nights ago but I definitely couldn't even stand the smell of it today. I had pad thai tonight as it seemed appealing in my mind. I've kept it down, but it feels like it's sitting in my chest. What's with that? Just digest for crying out loud! What's stopping you? It's a mystery what I will eat from one day to the next, which has made it near impossible to grocery shop and plan meals. I've always had a home-cooked meal on the table almost every night of the week for the entirety of our marriage, even when we were working students our first year! The food planner and budgeter in me is struggling with not being able to stock and prepare foods for the week but I'm telling myself it's just a few months of unpreparedness!

So this week I've met "morning" sickness, become roommates with it, and formally changed it's name. I wonder what next week has in store...

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