Friday, September 17, 2010

Turning 24: the Year of Mommyhood

As it goes, my birthday is tomorrow. I will be 24 years old. It's sort of hard to believe I'm so young yet so old at the same time. High school doesn't seem like a totally distant memory yet I can't even imagine reliving those days over again. I was a different person altogether and I don't think I'm alone in that.

We change a lot after high school, even though we think we won't. Then college comes along and we really think we're grown up once that diploma is in our hands. Truth is, we're always works in progress. I know, it's cliched and I say it but do I really think that and yes I really do. I'm human and thus prideful so most days I live like I've mostly got it all together, but I know I'm wrong. All I have to do is look back at my life over the past few years. I had a bit of a different circumstance from many since Randall and I got married before our last year of college. It was a challenge for sure - I balanced work with school before we got married but adding on a marriage - whew! Time constraints made it hard for us to spend needed time together. We enjoyed our first year, but it was certainly the hardest yet. This doesn't mean the second was a breeze. We faced new and different challenges - with college over, what would we do for work? move or stay here? when will we start trying to have children - woah am i even ready for kids?! - but we got through those big questions with some pain and some joy along the way. To top it all off, we entered year three of our marriage with Randall having a new job that he loves that pays a salary (a much anticipated event), purchased our first home and began a kitchen remodel, I began working at a job that wasn't as demanding of my time and energy that I enjoyed, got a puppy (bigger thing to take on than it seems unless you've done it!), became part of an amazing church plant in downtown Montgomery, and last but not at all least - we found out that we're having our first child. Just looking at this list makes me slightly overwhelmed! The point in me going through all of this is that looking back, at each point in the past few years God provided us what we needed in order to deal with what we were facing. Had any of the events that happened over the past few months happened 2 years ago, I really believe it would have been much much harder. But God is good, he gives us what we can handle and more importantly, what he wants us to handle. It's really a sweet and humbling realization. I don't have it all together - not a bit! But He does - and I can rest in that.

Year 24 isn't just another year. It will be unique - full of new trials and triumphs and full of growth. It is particularly exciting because this year is the real beginning of a new journey God has put me on - the journey to being a mom. And in a little over 6 months, I'll be holding a new person in my arms, a person God himself knit together in my womb. Then the real journey begins - for me and for that precious child. Because one day that child will be turning 1, 2, 3... then before I know it he or she will be turning 24 just like I will tomorrow. And when that day comes, I can still rest in knowing that God will provide the means to handle whatever comes into his or her life, just as He has, is, and will for me.


Psalm 139: 1-14
O Lord, you have searched me
       and you know me.

  You know when I sit and when I rise;
       you perceive my thoughts from afar.

  You discern my going out and my lying down;
       you are familiar with all my ways.

  Before a word is on my tongue
       you know it completely, O LORD.

  You hem me in—behind and before;
       you have laid your hand upon me.

  Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
       too lofty for me to attain.

  Where can I go from your Spirit?
       Where can I flee from your presence?

  If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
       if I make my bed in the depths, 
 you are there.
  If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
       if I settle on the far side of the sea,

  even there your hand will guide me,
       your right hand will hold me fast.

  If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
       and the light become night around me,"

  even the darkness will not be dark to you;
       the night will shine like the day,
       for darkness is as light to you.

  For you created my inmost being;
       you knit me together in my mother's womb.

  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
       your works are wonderful,
       I know that full well.

4 comments:

brookehenn said...

this is beautiful, Ashley! i'm so excited for you! motherhood is a challenging, but oh so wonderful journey! happy early birthday!
brooke

Bobbie said...

Ashley, you have got it all together! I am so proud of you. You will be a super mom. Celebrate and know you are a work in progress and progressing into a wonderful life ahead. Love you!

Will and Mary Frances Stanford said...

I love you so much and your sweet heart of willingness! Can't wait to be baby mamas together!!

Mandi Miller said...

This was beautiful!! You are going to be a great mom!! I think it's awesome you are blogging about it because it will fly by so fast! Before you know it you will be holding that precious child! I am so happy for you!!

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