Being Responsible... What Does it REALLY Mean?

Last week was a whirlwind. I was trying to wrap my head around being pregnant which is very exciting but pretty scary too. I also had to deal with the stress of the doctor visit - the certainty of facing of some of my fears (needles... eek!) and the uncertainty of the outcome of the tests (is my baby okay?). WHEW!

With that said, this week has been a good deal calmer. I feel much more able to sort through things without feeling completely overwhelmed by my emotions. The main thing I've been sorting through is my responsibility in the here and now - before the birth and during my carrying of him or her. There are the obvious responsibilities I have to the baby - to take care of my body by getting plenty of rest, eating well, taking my prenatal vitamins, and abstaining from teratogens. But beyond that, what are my responsibilities to my family?

My husband and I got married a little over 2 years ago during the summer before our senior year of college. Needless to say, it was a crazy 1st year. Both of us worked full-time and were full-time students so we didn't get a lot of time together. But my role as helper was clear - by necessity I worked outside of the home to bring in income. The 2nd year was less busy as we graduated from college, but my role as helper remained the same - to work in order to bring in income. Now upon entering our 3rd year of marriage, God has provided us with a salaried job for my husband and a baby on the way. My role is in transition and I have to admit I'm very excited about that. It has been the desire of my heart for a long time to be a homemaker and mom. On the other hand, I'm struggling to see myself in the same level of a helping role not working outside of the home. Money will inevitably be tighter so I feel compelled to work for awhile during my pregnancy for the income it provides, but it's also a stretch to expect the same amount of work out of myself due to early pregnancy symptoms. Plus, I want to have time to adjust to being a homemaker and getting used to the new budget - you know, clipping coupons and cutting corners to save money - before the baby comes. So I think my husband and I have reached some middle ground. I will continue to work my same schedule through the end of September and then, if my boss is able to work it out, I will continue to work 2 days per week through the end of December (the baby comes in April so that will give me a few months to just be at home).

So, I'm between roles now. Income earner and full-time homemaker and mom. It's an exciting time and a bit stressful too, but the important thing is that I trust God with my tomorrow. Being the sinner that I am, my tendency is to cling to worry and really just create a stressful situation that is outside of my hands. My part is to be responsible - to my husband, my baby and most importantly, to God. And being responsible to God is being faithful to him - trusting that He will fulfill his promises as He always does.

And that's my two cents on responsibility.

Ashley

The Journey Begins...

This week has been a whirlwind of emotions (in part due to my ever-fluctuating hormones!). I'm still wrapping my head around the fact that we're going to have a baby - that life is forming inside my womb! God has been so gracious to me by giving me peace and perseverance through it all and I'm ever so thankful!

One week ago today, I took an at-home pregnancy test and found out that my suspicion/hope of pregnancy was a reality! Strangely enough, I was almost positive that I was pregnant about 2 days after conception. I just had this feeling and a peace about it. We hadn't been really trying to get pregnant, but we did want children so it certainly was exciting to think that it was time for us to be parents!

This Wednesday was my first prenatal appointment. I am beyond squeamish about going to the doctor and this was the doctor visit of ALL doctor visits! Ultrasound, full pelvic exam, blood work, finger prick sugar level test... needless to say, I was nervous about going! God gave me so much peace, though. For the first time, I was going through all these procedures for my baby, not for me. It's a strange and amazing feeling. I'm beginning to see how we women can go through all of the pains (most specifically, child birth!) of having a baby... it's such a sweet experience! I really didn't understand it before now, honestly. I thought I would be a wreck going through all the pains, doctor visits, needles, etc. etc. etc., and it's still a bit overwhelming, but what a sweet reward to think that 9 months of carrying that sweet child and finally meeting him or her face to face! It's just the sweetest thing!

Thanks for reading my pregnancy blog! I'm excited to share the experiences of the greatest adventure of my life so far... the journey to mommyhood!